How to Deal with Gossip at Work:
7 Steps to Dispel the Drama

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“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.”

~ Eleanor Roosevelt ~

Client Jonathan Asks: Several of my co-workers like to spread stories without checking to make sure they are true. Recently, someone shared an inaccurate and favorable story about me. What can I do to mitigate the damage?

Coach Joel Answers: Everyone is susceptible to gossip stories at work. But what if the stories are about you? And, even more disturbing, what if they are erroneous and could harm your reputation? Chances are, this won’t happen to you. But, if it does, it’s important to take action.

Once unfavorable stories get created they often get cemented in as a permanent perspective of who you are. This perception becomes their reality and everything else you do reinforces how others see you.

You can have 50 examples of trustworthiness and one false representation and this one malicious example undermines everything else.

During your constant interactions at work it’s possible that things you do might get misinterpreted in a way that is not accurate.

For example, you might be seen as unreliable because you didn’t get something done ontime or be viewed as a loose cannon because you speak up and say things at client meetings that are not appropriate. Some of these stories might be true, but often they aren’t reflective of who you really are at work. The problem is one or two negative stories can cement a perception of you that is actually inaccurate.

Here is a seven-step process to help you deal with workplace gossip and change negative misperceptions into positive (or neutral) ones:

Step 1: Gather information about the unfavorable story.
Without getting emotional or defensive gather as much information as you can about the unfavorable story. This fact-gathering stage is key. You don’t want to fly off the handle, confront someone and make matters even worse.

Step 2: Dispel the unfavorable story.
Go to the source of the story – the person who believes or is communicating the misperception – and explain your situation. Discuss your perspective and what you felt actually happened. Provide enough information so the person understands exactly the truth from your perspective. You could say, “Hi, Carla. I hear you may have some concerns about what I said at the client meeting. Could you tell me about them?” And then, after hearing the other person out, provide your perspective of why you spoke out like you did.

Step 3: Ask about other misperceived stories.
Ask the person if they have any other stories that they would like to share. When you hear the new stories, explain what actually happened versus what was perceived. Provide greater understanding of how these stories could have been misinterpreted.

Step 4: Take responsibility for what you did.
Even though you may not agree with the misperception, you most likely can find some things that you can be accountable for. Show that you have learned a lesson and what you take from this situation. Come up with some examples of what you’ll do differently based on what you have learned.

Step 5: Share favorable stories.
When a person observes something unfavorable, this image gets stuck in their mind. Counter the negative perception by coming up with ways and examples of how you haven’t been that which they think you are. If they think you are untrustworthy, come up with three or four stories illustrating your trustworthiness. These other stories help balance out a one-sided and limited perspective.

Step 6: Ask the person to give you another chance.
Explain how you don’t want to be stuck in their view of something that happened in the past. You sincerely desire to be given another chance to prove yourself. It’s not fair for you to be punished by something that happened only once or it occurred years ago. Get the person to take a risk on you and let you try again. The risk is minimal with tremendous potential upside.

Step 7: Thank the person for their honesty and willingness to help you.
This is one of the best ways to enhance your reputation and clear up any misunderstandings.

Since your career advancement depends on other people’s perceptions of you, it’s important to take action quickly when negative stories about you surface. Get valuable feeback about the way you are perceived at work by completing the perception evaluation here.

Talkback: Have you ever been the subject of unfavorable gossip at work? How did you deal with it?

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Are You Annoying Your Co-Workers?
Employees Share Their Biggest Gripes

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“I’m aware that I can be annoying.”

~ Sandra Bullock ~

Client Eva Asks: As an HR professional, I hear a lot of petty complaints from various employees about their co-workers. Most of the time, the offending party has no idea that he or she is being annoying. How can I be sure that I am not inadvertently aggravating my own co-workers without realizing it?

Coach Joel Answers: Annoying co-workers are a common problem. Fortunately, most people realize that there are frustrating people everywhere, so unless the situation is severe, it is unlikely that they will leave over minor annoyances, especially if action is taken to correct the problem.

However, it is wise to be concerned about how your own behavior might be perceived. A survey conducted by Opinium Research asked people what annoyed them the most at work. Here are the top ten things that drive workers up the wall:

  • Grumpy or moody colleagues
  • Slow computers
  • Small talk or gossip
  • The use of office jargon or management-speak
  • People speaking loudly on the phone
  • Too much health and safety in the work place
  • Poor toilet etiquette
  • People not turning up for meetings on time or not at all
  • People not tidying up after themselves in the kitchen
  • Too cold, cold air conditioning

Now, you probably have little control over the speed of your computers, your office’s OSHA requirements or the setting of your thermostat, but you do have control – at least in terms of your own behavior – over seven of the top ten grievances.

How often are you guilty of these minor annoyances? Do you come to work with an attitude? Try being positive instead.Do you talk about others behind their backs? Stop! Do you use phrases like “think outside the box” or “get our ducks in a row”? Skip the jargon and strive for clear and effective communication. Are you tardy at meetings? Meetings can be a great way to increase your visibility, but you won’t make a good impression by showing up late. Do you neglect to refill the coffee pot when you take the last cup? Be considerate of your fellow employees.

By changing these small and seemingly insignificant behaviors, you can go a long way to make your work place more civil and enjoyable, as well as earning the respect and trust of your colleagues (and boss).

Do you have a habit that your co-workers might find off-putting? Identify the changes you need to make and implement an action plan to help you improve the way you are perceived by your co-workers through Joel’s 7-step executive coaching model.

Talkback: Have you ever had an annoying co-worker? Tell us about him or her, but don’t name names!

Image courtesy of Dilbert / Dilbert.com

How Your Bad Reputation Could Destroy Your Budding Career

How Your Shoddy Reputation Could Destroy Your Budding Career

“The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear.”

~ 
Socrates ~

Do you ever feel like your boss simply doesn’t appreciate you? Are you stuck in the same job, unable to advance, with your salary frozen at the same miserable rate? You could be a victim of your own bad habits—habits that may have earned you a bad reputation.

And it doesn’t take a dramatic faux pas—like swinging from the chandelier and calling your boss an idiot during a staff party—to slaughter your reputation. Sometimes, it is the little things that earn us a bad rap.

Here are a few of the little things you might be doing that could be ruining your career.

1. Exuding sloppiness. Does your workspace look like the aftermath of a nuclear holocaust? A disorganized, cluttered desk creates the impression that you have sloppy work habits and can’t keep on top of things.

Do your clothes look like you’ve slept in them? An unkempt appearance sends the message that you are either too lazy to pick up an iron or you simply don’t care.

Maintaining a tidy and organized work area and a professional appearance will do wonders to clean up your damaged or bad reputation.

2. Doing the bare minimum. Every office has its clock-watchers—the ones who can never be found before starting time and leave at five o’clock sharp. No matter how busy the office is, their breaks are a top priority. They are unavailable to work overtime or take extra shifts. And they avoid tasks that are not part of their job description.

Technically, these individuals aren’t doing anything wrong. They are working during their assigned working hours—but they are unwilling to go the proverbial extra mile. And amongst their bosses and co-workers they are creating a lasting, negative impression—one that will greatly hamper their career.

Do you find yourself staring at the clock, getting ready to leave five minutes before quitting time, and dropping everything to take your coffee break? These seemingly benign actions may be earning you a bad reputation.

3. Moaning. Perpetually complaining, badmouthing co-workers, or having a negative attitude can kill staff morale and poison an office’s atmosphere. These employees are likely to require removal—and this equates to either a dead-end position or the end of the unemployment line.

Employers appreciate staff members who are enthusiastic about making a positive contribution to the company—and they reward them accordingly. Ensure that your interactions have a positive impact on those around you.

4. Having a bad online reputation. Have you repeatedly been turned down for promotions or new employment and don’t understand why? Perhaps you need to examine your internet reputation.

You can bet that prospective employers and clientele will check you out online. That is why it is imperative that you ensure that your photos and comments on Facebook, Twitter, your blog, and other social media are appropriate. Make sure you delete anything that you wouldn’t want your future boss to see—because it can never be “unseen.” And the damage to your reputation cannot be undone.

5. Clinging to “old school.” Yes, maybe you have done it that way for the past twenty years. And, yes, your boss has heard the old adage “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” But that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to change with the times. Being inflexible and unwilling to adapt will quickly earn you a bad reputation and make employers wonder why they keep you around.

If new technologies intimidate you, ask for help, take a course, or buy yourself a Dummies Guide. Never simply refuse to learn.

It doesn’t take a grandiose display of stupidity to annihilate your professional reputation—sometimes it’s just the accumulation of little things. By simply ceasing to engage in these easy-to-fix behaviors, you can greatly enhance how others perceive you—and greatly improve your career path.

Talkback: What are the little things you might be doing that could be impacting your career success negatively? What are you doing to fix this?

Kimberley Laws is a freelance writer, novelist, and avid blogger who loves to use words to entertain and educate.

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Your Hidden Language: Training Employees to Develop Positive Body Language

Your Hidden Language: Training Employees to Develop Positive Body Language

“The human body is the best picture of the human soul.”

~ Ludwig Wittgenstein ~

Conflict among staff can occur because of the things we say or how we act.  It can also occur when our body language communicates things we might not be aware of.  To increase harmony in the office, consider training employees to develop a recognition of the importance of body language and give them skills to master it.

When we listen to people, we also read their body language to see if it is in sync with their words. Most people recognize the body language that says: I’m interested, I’m not interested, I’m busy, please listen to me.

But some people are less aware of body language. When they ignore these messages or misread them, tension and irritation occurs.  Training employees to develop awareness of other people’s body language and the unspoken messages they send can create more trust and harmony in the work place.  It’s worth the effort.

 1. Give Voice to Body Language. If you find that meetings are disrupted by annoying fidgeting or conversations are distracted by the listener staring off into space, it may be time to talk about and train your staff on this topic.  Consider role playing to show the messages sent so even the less sensitive workers recognize the language of the body.  Video tape staff speaking or listening so they can see their own body language.

Often people are highly critical when they see themselves on screen. Balance their views with supportive staff who point out the messages they see in their coworker’s body language.  When body language is addressed head on and out in the open, employees develop more sensitivity to their physical actions as well as being in tune with others.

2. Body language that shows more than you want.   The key effectiveness of body language is that it helps others discern a person’s true feelings.  While you might think you are talking pleasantly to someone you’re angry with, your body language will tell a different story.  Help employees develop coping strategies.

  • Check your emotions. Before you talk with a person or enter a meeting, evaluate how you feel about the people you will see.  If you feel angry, frustrated, or condescending toward anyone there, watch out!  Be very careful your body is not exhibiting your emotions.
  • Be honest.  The easiest way to gain great body language is to have good emotions and communication skills.  If you are interested, if you are paying attention, if you are respectful to your co workers, your body will automatically broadcast those emotions.

3. Body Language that lies. As you train and develop your employees, help them recognize the internal and external reasons body language may not represent the “truth.”

  • If a person is hungry or needs to relieve him or herself, the stresses of the body will be reflected in actions.  The fidgeting, hunching the body, or glancing at the clock might be misinterpreted as disinterest, when the causes are biological.  Help your employees avoid sending these incorrect messages by planning ahead and not going into meetings or events hungry or stressed.  A chilly room may cause crossed arms.
  • Illness—either temporary or long-running can affect our body language. Help employees be aware of others who have ADHD or Tourette’s or any of a host of other medical problems that may cause them to act differently.

Offices run smoother when conflicts are kept to a minimum through understanding and respect.  One effective way to make this happen is through training employees to be aware of their own body language and to not misunderstand the body language of those around them.

Email Joel to find out more about training and developing employees. 

Talkback: What annoying body language have you faced?  Was there ever a time when you thought you understood someone’s body language and discovered you were mistaken?

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Trust Me: How You Can Build Trust in a Non-Trusting Environment

Trust Me: How You Can Build Trust in a Non-Trusting Environment
“Trust is the highest form of human motivation. It brings out the very best in people. But it takes time and patience.”

~ Stephen R. Covey ~

Client Rebecca Asks:  I’m fairly new here and my company seems to rank pretty low on the trust scale. I want to create a more open, trusting environment where my people feel free to share and grow. How can I use your executive coaching tools to work around my corporate culture without making waves?

Coach Joel Answers:  Executive coaching and the work we do together can give you the tools you need create the environment you want, regardless of your company’s philosophy or operating style. So let’s talk about what trust actually looks like and the tools you can use to build it within your own team. Here are four key trust factors that I’d recommend putting at the top of your list:

  1. Be consistent
  2. Show respect
  3. Create transparency
  4. Have their back

1. Be consistent. Why is consistency important?  Sometimes people associate consistency with someone who’s a plodder, boring or lacking initiative. I see it differently in the corporate environment. When you’re trying to build trust, it’s letting people know where you’re coming from, reassuring them that you’re not going to change your mind about key issues and assignments without warning. Your people will produce their best work when they know you’re giving them guidance without restricting their initiative or creativity. .

2. Show respect.  A lot of managers, especially those who are relatively new on the job, are anxious to get the respect of their team. But you have to give before you get. There are many small ways you can show respect for your people. Ask their opinion about projects and work assignments. Show respect for their time. Start and end meetings on time. Keep appointments and don’t cancel at the last minute unless it’s an emergency. Respond promptly to their emails and phone calls.

3. Create transparency. In a lot of companies where the overall trust level is low, people feel left out of the process. You can start to reverse this trend by being open and honest about decisions. Open communication is a powerful tool. Don’t just tell people when a decision has been made; show them what’s behind it. Share the big picture so people know about company as well as departmental goals and objectives. Unless facts and figures are confidential, share them with your people on a regular basis. Above all, avoid having a hidden agenda.

4. Have their back. People need to know that you have their best interests at heart. Make a list of your key people and, at least once a week, ask them how things are going. Then really listen to their answers and engage in a dialog. Speak up for your people in meetings. Be their advocate. Give public credit for good ideas within your department and promote their ideas to company leaders whenever you can.

An environment without trust is an environment with poor motivation, low productivity, and high turnover. By using these four coaching tools, you can build a strong team and create a workplace where your people feel valued and challenged to do their best.

Is your workplace missing the all-important trust factor? To jump-start your own action plan, begin creating these 4 steps immediately. If you have any questions, please email Joel at joel@garfinkleexecutivecoaching.com.  

Talkback:  What have you done to build trust in your work group? What advice would you give someone whose company environment was low on the trust scale? Share your ideas here.

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